just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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