I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
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You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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