Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
