Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
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I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
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You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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