yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize