If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
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I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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