im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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