apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
