I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
