Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
