And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
