textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
