2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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