so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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