I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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