i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
