somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
