Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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