Im at strip club and am horny
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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