do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
