last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
