I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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