She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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