I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
