I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
