You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
