do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Found your dick twin last night
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
