I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
one might say we're banned from that church
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I need moral support for this bender
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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