i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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