it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
