My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
i think i just lost a toe
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
