I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
