so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
