I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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