I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
