he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
