Can i not drive my cunt home
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
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my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
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I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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