life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
