Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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