Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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