if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
