This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
