then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
