Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
