my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
