Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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