god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
