it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
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