I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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