Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
