i jhust puked up my retainher.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Dignity is for republicans.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
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Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
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Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize