what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
