I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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