wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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