we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
