Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
