There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
so much tequila, so little girl.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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