My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
