we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
