Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize